The Cure for Talking Heads

 
First draft:  
The following is naked dialog, no narrative at all.
"Have you seen anything like it?"

"No.  Is it natural?"

"I don't know -- no one's ever had the courage to get any closer than this."

"Why?  It looks strange, but not dangerous."

"Take a step closer.  Feel anything?"

"No."

"Take another."

"My God!  I feel so -- terrified!  Has it always been this way?"

"Sometimes it's  weaker, sometimes stronger.  But it's always been there."

"And it's our only hope.  If my guess is right, there's only one way out of here -- and that's it.  Are you with me?"

"There isn't much of a choice."

"Right.  I've got my pack and staff.  Let's go."


Second draft: 
Note that except for the occasional 'said', the dialog and narrative are separate.  "I feel so -- terrified!" (a truly terrible line) has been removed and replaced by narrative description.  "I've got my pack and staff." has been treated the same way.
John and Maria peered around the boulder at the steep gully.  Something shimmered at its bottom.  Maria pushed dark hair from her forehead and squinted.

"Have you seen anything like it?" John said.

"No," Maria said.  "Is it natural?"

"I don't know -- no one's ever had the courage to get any closer than this."

"Why?  It looks strange, but not dangerous."

"Take a step closer," John said.  "Feel anything?"

"No."

"Take another."

Maria froze in mid-step as panic washed through her.  She clenched her fists, fighting it, but the panic didn't abate until she took one trembling step backwards.  She sat quickly.  Her hands shook.  John took them and held them close to his chest.

"My God!" she said.  "Has it always been this way?"

"Sometimes it's  weaker, sometimes stronger.  But it's always been there."

"And it's our only hope.  If my guess is right, there's only one way out of here -- and that's it.  Are you with me?"

"There isn't much of a choice," he said.

"Right.  Let's go."

She pulled her hands away and stood, slinging the red pack over her shoulder.  John scrambled to his feet.  He settled his pack and picked up his staff, holding it tight.


Third draft: 
Dialog and narrative melded.
John and Maria peered around the boulder at the steep gully.  Something shimmered at its bottom.  Maria pushed dark hair from her forehead and squinted.

"Have you seen anything like it?" John said, gesturing into the gully.

"No." Maria shook her head slowly.  "Is it natural?"

"I don't know -- no one's ever had the courage to get any closer than this."

"Why?"   She glanced at him.  "It looks strange, but not dangerous."

John grinned. "Take a step closer," he said.  "Feel anything?"

"No."

"Take another."

Maria froze in mid-step as panic washed through her.  She clenched her fists, fighting it, but the panic didn't abate until she took one trembling step backwards. 

"My God!" She sat quickly.  "Has it always been this way?"  Her hands shook.  John took them and held them close to his chest.

"Sometimes it's  weaker, sometimes stronger.  But it's always been there."

Maria took a deep breath and pulled her hands free.  "And it's our only hope.  If my guess is right, there's only one way out of here -- and that's it."  She stood, slinging the red pack over her shoulder.  John scrambled to his feet.  "Are you with me?"

"There isn't much of a choice."   He settled his pack and picked up his staff, holding it tight.

"Right.  Let's go."